How do you talk to yourself? Did you ever pay attention?
So many of us are talking badly to ourselves completely unconsciously.
These kinds of thoughts could sound like:
"Are you sure you want to eat that, look at your ass..."
"Ah, again you did not go to the gym today.."
"Look at you, you are so stupid in comparison to those people"
"This project is going to fail like all the other ones"
Ouch... just to write this I feel some pain in my chest!
Your thoughts create your emotions and then create your reality.
The result of this bad talk is dramatic:
lack of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth, low motivation, procrastination, difficulty to achieve goals, and projects, social anxiety, a feeling of shame, depression...
Another important point to know as well is that the Law of Attraction (LOA) works also for our thoughts. This means that when I start to have a disempowering thought about myself (and if I am not aware and I let those thoughts keep running), the LOA will create more of those thoughts until a point where it will be very difficult for me to change focus, I will probably go down a rabbit hole!
Abraham Hicks says that you have only 68 sec maximum to transform a negative thought.
The good thing is that it works as well for positive thoughts!
If I keep thinking of a positive thought for more than 68 sec, the LOA will give me more without my conscious effort!
"Remember, you are not the voice in your head, you are the one listening to it."
And you are the only one unless you meet someone who has some kind of psychic powers...
To disidentify from this critical voice, you can call it your "inner critic"
Your "inner friend" not only critiques other people around you, but he also judges, compares, and gossips...
When he does that, he feels a little bit better. But the truth is that every time he judges someone, it is a reflection of what he feels about you, sometimes a very small part of who you are. A part that he doesn't wants to accept.
"When you judge others, you judge yourself"
So watch out! What does this critic say about me?
What is important to realize, is that your inner friend always has a positive intention.
He wants you to be loved, healthy, happy, successful, balance, abundant!
The problem is that he does not really know how to speaks to you...
He is a good friend that have very bad communication skills!
He thinks that this is the way to make you move forward, but he is wrong.
If you speak like this to your friends who need support and motivation, you won't have a lot of friends...
So why should I speak like this to myself?
What can you do to be friends with your inner critic?
This is my 10 favorite tips:
1. Give a name to your inner critic, a nice funny name, remember he wants you to feel good, I called mine: Miss perfect.
Every time, Miss perfect shows up in my head, I can disidentify from her, welcome her, have a conversation instead of being brainwashed by everything she says.
2. Be curious, be aware, welcome your new friend: it always starts with awareness, and every time you are aware of this voice, you win! These words also create negative emotions, so you might not have heard the critics, but do you feel the negative emotion? Yes? You win!
3. Identify what are the recurrent judgments that your inner friend does:
Is it about your health? your habits? your productivity? your look?
4. Take a closer look at yourself, be honest:
Do you actually need to make a change? if yes, make a deal with your new friend and start with easy wins.
For example, if you are actually not doing any kind of sport and he wants you to go to the gym every day for 2 hours, let's be honest, it's too much!
So make a deal with him: I will go to the gym 3 times a week for 30 min for one month, next month I will do more.
Small wins every day create big momentum!
Check the book from James Clear on how to create new habits:
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
( link at the end)
5. Compliment yourself when you did what you said you wanted to do, and be self-compassionate when you did not.
Before bed, I love to check-in and make a list of "what I love about myself today",
This practice helps to build your self-esteem muscle, to focus on the positive and it feels so good!
6. Practice gratitude and appreciation, the best is to start your day with a gratitude list or an appreciation list.
Take 3 deep breaths, connect to your heart, and make a list (written or in your mind) of all the positive things that are already in your life, feel the sensations in your heart. ( It should feel good :) You can do this for more than 68 sec and it will really change your day!
You can also do it before bed: "What I am grateful for about today is...", it also helps to sleep better. "Better thoughts, better mood, better sleep".
7. Practice meditation, it is a great way to become more conscious of your thought patterns.
I highly recommend the book from Emily Fletcher, if you want to start:
Stress Less, Accomplish More: Meditation for Extraordinary Performance
(link at the end)
8. Heal your inner critic:
And yes, when you meditate, your inner critic can also have his words to say:
"you are not doing it right"
Remember, like Emily Fletcher said:"We meditate to get good at life, not to get good at meditation"
My meditation teacher created a 28 min meditation to heal your inner critic, try it out, it's very powerful! (link at the end)
9. Use positive mantras:
To integrate intentionally positive thoughts is not a new idea, we all heard about the Coue method. Or the famous quote "fake it until you make it".
The problem that I see and why it's often not working for some people is that they use positive mantras that are so far from where they are, that they can't really connect to them.
For example, if I am broke and I try to use the mantra " I am a millionaire", well it's gonna be very difficult to connect with...
So I would suggest using something that is true and positive like " I have food and a shelter, I am having opportunities and ideas every day that will bring me more money" or "whatever I need always come".
You can use your personal mantras in your morning rituals or every time you catch your inner friend.
I will soon write an article about my personal favorites mantras :)
10. Learn NVC (non-violent communication) and teach it to your inner critic!
NCV is an approach to nonviolent living developed by Marshall Rosenberg beginning in the 1960s. NVC is taught as a process of interpersonal communication designed to improve compassion and connection to others and it can also work for yourself.
(link to the website at the end)
I really hope those TIPS will help you to be more compassionate with yourself and help you move forward with inner peace, joy, and flow.
In the comment, let me know what are your favorite tips on the subject.
And if you like this article, please share it!
With Love,
Laeti
Resources:
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits
Stress Less, Accomplish More: Meditation for Extraordinary Performance:
https://zivameditation.com/slam/
Inner critic Healing meditation:
https://www.facebook.com/1991269201109340/videos/1261390180865492
CNV:
https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/about-marshall-rosenberg/books-and-products/