I wanted to write about my new sobriety from alcohol for a while, but really to be honest I wanted to be sure that it will last, and I was curious of the long term benefits I would get.
It's also very vulnerable and can be triggering for some, but I realised that I am not sharing this only for me.
I am sharing this, for me, for you and for us.
In the last years I had reduced dramatically my booze consumption, but they were still sometimes where I would drink too much and feel very bad about it. Some people can have a good relationship with it, but I had to be honest with myself, for me it never was. Don't take me wrong, I had some fun and very nice moments while I was still drinking.
But as I asked myself regularly in the last years: What is stopping me for creating the life I really want and deserve, what is on the way?
Alcohol has been always on the list...
I was born in a family where we drink, many members of my family were alcoholics, or had very strong alcoholic disorders, any family reunion would end up with them being drunk.
This was normal.
I remembered going back home at night in the car from a family reunion, my father drunk and my mother, sister and me completely scared for our lives, holding tight…
This was normal.
I remembered when I was a child, my aunty trying to open the toilet door for hours where my uncle was sleeping, wasted, locked up…
This was normal.
I remembered my first alcohol coma with tequila when I was about 14, I really thaught I had become fluent in spanish, before I thaught i was going to die... Everyone remember his first time right?
This was normal
I went to catering school and learned about wines, spirits, we were drinking alcohol at school during classes, after classes…
This was normal
I worked 14 years as a manager for restaurants in Paris where we will end up drinking wine or champagne everyday after work to escape our stress and tension, getting drunk in the middle of the week, sometimes not being able to work the day after…
This was normal????
I have so many memories about getting wasted and saying things, doings things that I will regret later.
Putting myself in danger for driving, spending a lot of money for just one night, having my friends helping me to vomit behind a car in the middle of the street. Sending a text to an ex that I should not have, kissing a man that I don’t really like. Not doing the things that were on my calendar or canceling plans… Saying « oh I am hangover today » was normal, a very nice and valuable excuse that everyone could understand in the reality I was in.
Actually, not drinking was more seen as a problem, strange… Why are you not drinking today? Oh yes! you are pregnant??? Oh are you an alcoholic? (asked by someone who has alcohol disorders…)
You know why I remembered all these moments? Why I have a clear picture in my mind of these moments?
Because they were traumatic events. Traumatic for my body, traumatic for my emotional body and they were filled with shame and guilt. We can have different opinion about what is a trauma, for me they were.
I am crying when I write these words, crying for my younger self who did not know better. I have so much compassion for her, she was doing the best she can. I feel the same for my family members who also were doing the best they can with their level of awareness. We are all doing it right?
In my family, we never spoke about this subject, it was taboo.
We are brainwashed to think that life without alcohol is boring and impossible.
We use it to celebrate a good news, we use it to have a good dinner, we use it to have "good" sex or before a date, we use it to be more open with our friends.
We use it after a hard day at work, we use it to release our social anxiety, we use it before and after a break up, we use it to connect (or have a sense that we do), we use it to disconnect, we use it to cover our pain…
We just use it to live a « normal life »…
In the path I am, the path of healing, the path of remembering, the path of freedom and inner peace, I received the clear message that alcohol had no place in the life I wanted to create. To be fully aligned to my mission and my purpose, they were no space for alcohol, for this spirit.
In the last 6 months, I realized, there is another way, there is a reality without it.
A reality that is so beautiful, so self loving, so empowering.
A sovereignty that comes from taking the decision to quit alcohol that is mind blowing and I really did not expect.
I know this post might trigger some, I don’t say that it’s a decision that everyone should take, not everyone has the same relationship with it, not everyone has the same intention for their life and I really respect everyone choices.
I said that it worked beautifully for me and I know that I am not the only one.
When I became sober:
I really get to know myself on a much more intimate and deeper level, I develop even more emotional awareness I get to open the gate to release emotional luggages that I did not even know I had I discover a body that I did not know I could have, feelings that I did not know I could feel I get to find more ecological ways to soothe myself I get to really learn where I like to spend my time, places that don’t trigger my nervous system like before I get to discover new activities and hobbies that brings me natural joy and true fulfillment I attracted new persons into my life that were also on this empowering path I get to discover what are my real needs and desires, to align more to my purpose, to my dreams I get to have the time, the energy and the confidence to realize them My energy changes so much that I attract better things into my life
Becoming sober was the decision that created a quantum leap in my business, my relationship with self, with others and especially with men, it was a life changing decision.
So grateful for the beautiful souls that inspired me:
Stephen Guiligan my Generative coaching teacher who always told us the story about his sobriety Betty my dear friend plant medicine facilitator who supports me during this process Cedric, the first friend I met who was sober 7 years ago in Koh Phangan Notker and Dalton my friends also coaches who inspired me to detox my body on a really deep level
I have so much to share about this subject, it really inspires me to write.
If you feel triggered or inspired by my story, I really wish you to be able to feel and listen to these emotions, these messages.
I feel very vulnerable and scared to share this, but I am doing it anyway, it comes from my heart.
Feel free to contact me if you want to chat about it, if you need support, I feel so energised when I can help others taking this decision.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
With love, Laeti